If you guys are wondering why I don’t post dinner pictures,its because my parents don’t let me go on CC,or any food related websites,so if they saw me taking picture s of my dinner they would be kind of suspicious.I just had chicken,alexia sweet potato fries dipped in a greek yogurt/WCW dip,and grilled veggies with smart balance.Also had carrot cake ice-cream!So yummy:)
This left me feeling pretty full,and content with what I had consumed,but for some reason I always have the urge to just keep eating,even if it feels like im going to explode!Last night when I went to go get my snack at like 10:30,I had a binge episode.I have never mentioned this before on CC because I feel discusted with my self,and that you guys will think im a gross,but it usually happens everynight.I just get so frustrated with myself,and the way that I look that something in my mind switches into a completely different mode.Its not like its “junk” that im eating,but last night it was frozen yogurt,cinnamon sugar almonds,lots of dried fruit,WCW peanut butter,and lindors.Probably about 2000+ calories in food,even though I had alreay consumed 4000+ throughout the day.The weird thing is,when I did my daily weigh in this morning it was the SAME!A lot of the time at night I DONT want to keep eating but its like well if im still maintaining while I binge,then what will happen if I dont!Sorry for the rant,I jsut needed to let this out.I will post my food pictures later because its only 7 am:P
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
tuesday october 26
Its 6 in the morning right now and i can’t sleep.I heard my sister go out this morning at 5 for a run.My parents have no idea I think how sick she actually is.Not quite too sure what to do..Today to not let her affect my eating I made a plan for what im having,which might be beneficial,but im just so use to picking what I want to have at the given times,so it feels like im kind of regressing.Im thinking for breakfast i will have bluberry chobani,mixtures of fun cereals(cinnamon toast crunch<3,lucky charms)a vanilla protein shake with chocolate milk,and lots of WCW melted on top?Probably throw in a banana and have som cinnamon sugar almonds too:)
So yesterday I had a meeting with my tutor because im home schooled,and the board of education has decided to give my three hours a week to work with him…%#$@^& HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO LEARN ACADEMIC GRADE 11 MATH in 3 hours a week!Wait not even three hours a week because he has to teach m my other 3 subjects as well!Im going to try my best,because I reallllllllllly don’t want to do a victory lap.Oh shoooot I forgot to post yesterday’s foodies.Im sure that’s what your all looking fordward to hehehehehehe:P
As you guys can probably already tell,I don’t like having everything at once so I grab it as I go.
snack-
honey graham Z bar with a blueberry chobani,and then a slice of banana bread with nutella
I played rockband for a bit after this…not to brag or anything but im kind of amazing!:P I defeated hard on all the songs haha!
Lunch was this..just kiddddding that was dessert
My actual l lunch was had out with my nana at duhduhduh,MCDONALDS!I know,i know its not healthy at all,but im trying to incorporate more normal “teenager” types of foods so that when I go back to school,I will be able to join in with them:) I got a happy meal,with french fries(!) and a chocolate milk.I knew tat wasn’t enough so I had some bj’s when I got home.
snack-CRS and jelly sandwich with a bit of honey,and a yogurt mess
So yesterday I had a meeting with my tutor because im home schooled,and the board of education has decided to give my three hours a week to work with him…%#$@^& HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO LEARN ACADEMIC GRADE 11 MATH in 3 hours a week!Wait not even three hours a week because he has to teach m my other 3 subjects as well!Im going to try my best,because I reallllllllllly don’t want to do a victory lap.Oh shoooot I forgot to post yesterday’s foodies.Im sure that’s what your all looking fordward to hehehehehehe:P
As you guys can probably already tell,I don’t like having everything at once so I grab it as I go.snack-
honey graham Z bar with a blueberry chobani,and then a slice of banana bread with nutella
I played rockband for a bit after this…not to brag or anything but im kind of amazing!:P I defeated hard on all the songs haha!
Lunch was this..just kiddddding that was dessert
My actual l lunch was had out with my nana at duhduhduh,MCDONALDS!I know,i know its not healthy at all,but im trying to incorporate more normal “teenager” types of foods so that when I go back to school,I will be able to join in with them:) I got a happy meal,with french fries(!) and a chocolate milk.I knew tat wasn’t enough so I had some bj’s when I got home.
snack-CRS and jelly sandwich with a bit of honey,and a yogurt mess
Monday October 25
Ugh yesterday did not go well at all!After my dance class,my mom decided to take me to Starbucks,and pick up Melissa(sister) on the way there because she loves coffee…This was a terrible terrible TERRIBLE idea.I had planned on having a pumpkin scone to go with my latte,but I could feel the disgust from my sister for me even THINKING about having one.I have not felt this way in the past 6 months she was gone,but yesterday it came back full force.She started making comments to my mom and under her breath like eww that has like 26 grams of fat in it,or omg i could NEVER eat that.I ended up just getting a tall light pumpkin spice latte,and having my snack AWAY from her when we got back home.I can not handle eating around her!This totally fucks things up because I have begun eating dinner with my family,and now that shes back she is obviously going to eat her stupid little salad with them.I hate how my mom doesnt’t even say anything its like she just esects it from her.Whatever I mean my parents are really proud of my for overcoming fears,and making a complete 360 as far as ED goes.
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